i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
