i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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