listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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