she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
