I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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