i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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