Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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