i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
