She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
