idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
