I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
