I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
