She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just found a bag of teeth...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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