Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
