I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
