1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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