Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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