I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
