Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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