Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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