Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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