Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
