12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
