i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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