how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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