i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
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