that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
