I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
