from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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