I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
