now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
