I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
