Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
