The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
