in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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