Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
