why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
