I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
