So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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