i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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