its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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