oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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