Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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