drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
