Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize