And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't deserve a penis
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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