How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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