Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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