well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
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i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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