I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
