I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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