sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
