my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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