I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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