my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
