i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize