Sponge bath it is.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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