wrigley field is MILF paradise
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We left the knife in your bed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Randomize
