i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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