Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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