As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
my liver is dry heaving
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
