I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
