You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
