Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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