no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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