where does the pee come out of this thing
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
