why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
