shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
