Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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