I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
