you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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