Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
